


The Thing About Jared Kleinman

by sochill



Series: Knowing and Being Known (in Order to Love and Be Loved) [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Kleinsen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27221458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sochill/pseuds/sochill
Summary: Evan muses about his friendship with Jared and realizes some things along the way.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Series: Knowing and Being Known (in Order to Love and Be Loved) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987372
Comments: 16
Kudos: 118





	1. The First Thing

The thing about Jared Kleinman was this. Jared was an asshole. He was snarky and sarcastic. Sometimes he was dismissive. He rolled his eyes way too much. He swore a lot more than he needed to because he thought it made him sound cool.

But none of those were _the thing_ about Jared Kleinman.

The thing about Jared was this:

Evan was crying. He was curled up in a ball trying to stop but he couldn’t. There were tears pouring down his cheeks and he felt like no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs. He reached out blindly and felt around for his phone. He clumsily unlocked it and clicked Jared’s contact, the only one besides his mom that he ever really used. He hit call.

“Hello?” Jared’s voice cut through what sounded like TV laughter.

“Can I come over?” Evan said shakily.

And Jared said yes. Because he always said yes.

And the thing about Jared Kleinman was that when Evan got there he would be sitting in his bed and he wouldn’t say anything stupid at all. The thing about Jared was that he’d let Evan climb into his bed and he’d lay beside him and sometimes, if he was feeling particularly nice, he’d rub Evan’s back softly. The thing about Jared was that during those moments, when Evan really needed him, he’d shut the fuck up. And he’d be there.

Jared never came to Evan. Evan always went to Jared’s house and he always walked. Jared had offered him a ride once but he declined so Jared never offered again. But that was okay. Making himself get up, giving himself a physical goal, it forced his brain to get out of panic mode. So that by the time he got to Jared’s he was a little calmer although usually still crying.

This time was no different. He opened the door and walked in and Jared set his phone down and moved the blankets so Evan could climb into the bed and curl into a ball.

This wasn’t the first time and Evan had no reason to believe it would be the last. It had been this way for years. Jared was sarcastic and a little mean at school and when they studied together and really, any other time. He whined and complained when Evan asked him to go anywhere with him and a lot of the times he canceled plans last minute. But when Evan called him and asked to come over Jared said always yes. And _that_ was the thing about Jared.

Evan closed his eyes and pulled the blankets around him. Everything in this bed was warm and smelled like Jared. It was comforting in a way Evan didn’t really want to think about.

“Is your mom home?” Jared asked after a while.

“No.”

“Mmm.” He continued to trace Evan’s spine with his fingertip. “Do you want me to ask?”

Evan thought about that. “No.”

“Okay.”

Sometimes he’d say yes. And then Jared would ask what happened and listen patiently while Evan described whatever had happened that led up to his panic attack. But mostly Evan said no. Because he wanted to think about other things. Like how warm he felt. Or how nice it was when Jared rubbed his back. Or how easy it would be to fall asleep.

He did fall asleep sometimes. Most times. And Jared would wake him up and kick him out later, always acting annoyed even though he always let Evan sleep for a while first. Sometimes he’d ask Evan to stay for dinner, sometimes he wouldn’t. There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to when he asked. Evan never asked to stay if Jared didn’t offer. And they never talked about it.

The next day they’d pretend nothing happened. If it was late and Evan spent the night, he’d wake up to Jared already downstairs and they’d act like it was a normal day and Jared would make a big huff about having to go through the exhausting process of pouring Evan a bowl of cereal.

It was confusing being friends with Jared sometimes. And it was tiring other times. But a lot of times, it was nice. When Evan felt alone and sad and afraid about the future, it was really, really good being friends with Jared.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Jared asked after a few more minutes of silence. “I mean, my mom isn’t cooking. They’re going out for a date thing. But if you stay she might actually give me money for dinner. We can order pizza or some shit.”

Evan nodded. “Sure.”

They were sitting on opposite sides of the room when Jared’s mother came in to tell the boys they were leaving.

“We’ll be back around nine or ten. I left you money on the counter for dinner.”

“Thanks mom.” Jared didn’t look up from his phone.

“Thanks Mrs. K.” Evan smiled at her, hoping the remnants of his crying were all faded by now.

“Have fun boys!” She called as she headed downstairs. They heard the front door shut.

“Well,” Jared stood up and motioned to the hall. “Let’s go get food.”

They ordered pizza and sat on the couch to wait. Jared tossed the remote at Evan.

“Find something to watch while I pee.”

Evan knew this was Jared’s way of letting him pick what they watched while pretending he was just too busy to choose. It was a rare occurrence so Evan took the opportunity.

They spend the evening laying across the couch, eating pizza, and mostly talking over the movie Evan put on. Post panic attack relief Jared was Evan’s favorite kind of Jared. He was a little bit nicer (only a little bit), a little bit quieter. A little bit more like he used to be when they were younger. Evan still didn’t know why Jared started acting different once they got to high school, all snarky and too cool to admit he liked being Evan’s friend, but Evan liked the small moments where he got to see the old Jared. The one who occasionally laughed at Evan’s jokes and didn’t pretend he was inconvenienced by Evan’s presence. These nights were half the reason Evan kept talking to Jared despite everything else. Because he knew that somewhere under his stupid jokes and eye rolling, he cared about Evan. At least a little.


	2. The Other Things

The thing about Jared was that he hated horror movies but he had a weird obsession with watching them. In fact, he told Evan his goal was to watch every horror movie ever. Which meant nearly every time they hung out, Jared forced Evan to sit through some new atrocity. They always ended up squished together on the couch, both flinching violently whenever anything at all happened.

“Why though?”

“Because it’s fun.” Jared was on his knees, putting his latest nightmare into the DVD player.

“You don’t even like them.” Evan mumbled.

“If I didn’t like watching them why would I watch them?” Jared dropped beside him and pressed play. Evan knew better than to answer a rhetorical question from him but Jared still said, “Now shut up.”

“But-”

“I said shut up.” Jared turned the volume up.

Evan settled in and dug his nails into his palms to keep from reacting. It worked most of the time. He could usually keep his startled noises and flinching fairly suppressed. Usually.

“Holy shit!” Evan jumped.

“Dude.” Jared whined. “You spilled the popcorn.”

It was thirty minutes in and Evan was grabbing Jared’s arm so hard he was pretty sure he was leaving nail marks. Jared was staring at the screen with wide eyes but Evan could see he was tensed up too.

Jared put the popcorn bowl on the coffee table and settled back into the couch. There was a loud bang and some gross, fleshy monster popped onto the screen. Evan jumped and twisted toward Jared to cover his eyes. He knew he could leave. He had no obligation to stay here. He could go home or hell, he could just go hang out in Jared’s room until it was over if he really wanted to. But for some reason he never did.

“You’re such a baby.” Jared scoffed like he hadn’t flinched just as hard. He yanked his arm away and rested it along the back of the couch mumbling, “You’re hurting my arm.”

“You’re just as bad.” Evan said, his voice muffled by his hands.

“I’m not the one hiding my face.” Jared pointed out.

“You put these on just to torment me.” Evan said. He peeked at the screen and relaxed at the lack of monster he saw there.

“It is kinda funny.” Jared grinned, still not taking his eyes off the screen. “But actually, I enjoy them. Tormenting you is just a bonus.”

There was another loud noise and Evan grit his teeth to keep from jumping again. Jared laughed and poked his side. “Baby.”

Evan didn’t point out that Jared was also scared. And he didn’t point out how close they were sitting. And he didn’t point out that Jared’s arm was no longer resting on the couch and was now around Evan’s shoulders. In fact, he barely registered these things. These were all things that seemed to happen every time they watched horror movies together. It was hardly anything of note anymore.

The thing about Jared was that he was always a little bit nicer when he was tired. He’d blink sleepily at Evan, without even the energy to make fun of him. He’d even give Evan a soft smile here and there. It was weird. But it was nice.

“Hey.” Evan stopped next to Jared who was staring vacantly into his locker.

Jared grunted in response.

“Long night?”

“History project due today. Started yesterday.” Jared mumbled.

“Why are you staring into your locker?”

“Don’t remember what I need.”

Evan reached in and pulled out the two notebooks labeled ‘history’ and ‘physics’ in Jared’s messy scrawl. “You need these.”

“Thanks.” Jared turned around and pointed to his backpack.

Evan sighed but put the notebooks in.

“You have a test today right?”

“Mhm.” Evan zipped the backpack and Jared turned back around. “Bio.”

“Study?”

“Not really.”

“Mmm.” Jared nodded. “Well,” He yawned. “Good luck anyway.”

“Thanks. I’ll probably fail but I don’t need bio to graduate.”

“Why the fuck are you taking it then?” Jared squinted at him.

Evan shrugged. “I thought it would be fun. I was wrong.”

Jared laughed. Harder than necessary in Evan’s opinion but Jared was sleep deprived to be fair. “You’re funny.” He said when he caught his breath. He punched Evan’s shoulder softly. “See you at lunch dude.”

The thing about Jared was that his mom didn’t trust him. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She trusted him in the sense that she let him go out pretty much whenever he wanted to. And she trusted that he always did his homework. And she trusted him when he told her he wasn’t drinking when he went out on the weekends.

She didn’t trust him to stay home alone for two days when she took her monthly trip upstate to see her sister though. So he stayed with Evan one night every month. He used to put up a huge fight when they were younger. He’d swear he was mature enough and whine about how unfair it was that she wouldn’t trust him. By now, he was resigned to his fate.

“I hate that god damn clock Evan.” Jared whispered like he did every time he spent the night.

“I know.”

“Why is it so loud?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s _so_ loud.”

“You’re welcome to sleep on the couch Jared.”

“Don’t be rude. I’m a guest.”

Evan snorted. “Yeah right. I think you graduated out of guest status like three years ago.”

“I’m a guest and as such I demand that you set that clock on fire so I don’t have to listen to that fucking ticking anymore and I can get some decent sleep in this house.”

“When was the last time you asked your mom about staying home when she leaves?”

Jared frowned. “I don’t know. It’s been a while I guess.” He looked over. “Sick of me already?”

“Yes.” Evan said. Jared elbowed him. “It’s just that you’re eighteen now you know? And the fire thing happened like six years ago.”

“It wasn’t a _fire_.” Jared scoffed. “It was a tiny bit of _smoke_.”

“Right.” Evan rolled his eyes. “The point _is_ that was a long time ago. I feel like she might let you stay home alone now.”

“Maybe.” Jared said after a pause. “I guess I just got used to this routine.” He shrugged. “Forgot to keep arguing with her.”

“Maybe you should bring it up again.”

“Damn. Didn’t know it was this much of an inconvenience.”

“What? No. That’s not what I-” Evan stopped when he heard Jared’s laughter. “I changed my mind. It is inconvenient. Get out.”

“Sorry Hansen.” Jared tugged the blankets tighter around him. “You’re stuck with me for the foreseeable future.”

And Evan groaned like he didn’t enjoy when Jared stayed over anyway.


	3. The Big Thing

“Dammit.” Jared groaned. “I got rid of all my contractions and I _still_ didn’t reach the word count.”

Evan looked up at his phone screen where Jared was frowning. “Just add another quote from the book.”

“I’ve already used like six quotes.”

“Is there anywhere that you made any claim about the text without using one?”

“Mmmmm.” Jared leaned forward and slightly off screen. “I guess I didn’t use a quote for this one.” He turned back to the camera and made a face. “But I still need like eighty more words.”

“So introduce the quote and then put in the quote and then overexplain it and then connect it to your point. You should be able to stretch that into eighty words. Find a long quote too.”

Jared hummed and reached for his book. He flipped through the pages, frowning slightly. Evan watched him on his tiny phone screen.

“Oh!” Jared’s face lit up. “This one is so long and there’s so much…” He waved his hand. “Nuance.”

“Good word.” Evan commented. “You should work that into your essay.”

Jared nodded, typing rapidly. “You’re smart.”

Evan smiled. Sometimes Jared forgot not to compliment him.

Evan panicked more than Jared about the essay deadline but Jared finished with thirty minutes to spare. Then they just… stayed on facetime for a while. Jared had originally called Evan to ask how he could make his essay longer because he only needed “a few more words.” Which then turned out to be over a hundred more words. But he finally hit the word count and Evan expected him to hang up, but he didn’t. They spent nearly an hour talking after Jared submitted his essay. Jared talked about the other homework he didn’t do. Evan talked about the test he had next week.

“That’s so stupid.” Jared laughed. “Why would she quiz you on the book you haven’t even read yet?”

“I don’t _know_ that’s the thing!” Evan was trying to be serious but he couldn’t help laughing a little too. “I just worry about…”

“Everything.”

“Pretty much.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Jared assured him.

“Maybe.”

Jared sighed. “You worry too much Evan.” He said, too softly. Then he cleared his throat. “Anyway, I think I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Oh yeah. Same.”

“See you Monday man.”

“Goodnight Jared.”

Evan laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He thought about Jared. He found he was doing that a lot lately. Things had been weird between them since high school started, but at least now he stopped insisting they were only family friends. In fact, it was right around the time they started hanging out with the Murphy’s and Alana that he dropped it. Evan had introduced him as a family friend and Jared had haughtily corrected him. Suddenly they were just… regular friends. And since then Evan had spent a lot more time than he’d care to admit just, thinking about Jared.

The thing was that Jared was mean and annoying most of the time. But when he wasn’t… when he decided to care, he _really_ cared. More than Evan had ever had anyone care about him. Excluding his mother of course.

But Jared cared differently. He was quiet and comforting and he never made Evan talk to him if he didn’t want to. Maybe that was lack of interest but Evan took it more as a respect of his wishes not to talk. He never pried. But he listened if Evan did decide to share. He was soft and understanding and he cared so fucking much… when he wanted to.

The thing about Jared, Evan realized sitting straight up in bed, was that he didn’t like Evan as a friend. He liked him as much more than that.

“Do you have feelings for me?” Evan yelled, slamming Jared’s door open. It was 10 a.m. on Saturday morning and Evan had walked to Jared’s house in his pajamas after getting less than three hours of sleep. But how was he supposed to sleep after his revelation from the night before?

“What the fuck!” Jared jumped, looking over from where he was scrolling through twitter on his bed. “What?”

“Do you have feelings for me?” Evan repeated.

“Why would you ask that?”

“Because I want to know the answer.”

“Okay duh.” Jared shook his head. “But why would you even-what makes you think-what?”

“Just- just answer the question Jared.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“You really think I have feelings for you?” Jared crossed his arms.

“Well you haven’t said no.” Evan pointed out. “Which would be really easy to do if you didn’t you know… have feelings for me.”

“I…” Jared swallowed. “Why are you-”

“Tell me.”

Jared made an annoyed sound and leaned back on his hands. “Why? It’s pretty obvious.”

“What?” Evan frowned. “How?”

Jared stared at him, clearly trying to figure out if Evan was messing with him. “Because, you fucking moron, I’m eighteen years old and my mom doesn’t care if I stay home alone for one night. Because I let you come over and sleep in my bed any time you ask. And I watch out my window until I can see you because you walk over here alone! Because I don’t even _like_ horror movies I just like that you-”

Evan crossed the room and kissed Jared. He didn’t wait for him to finish talking. He figured that was as much of an answer as he needed. Jared kissed him back without hesitation, pulling Evan halfway into his lap. When they pulled back, Evan felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted from his shoulders. For a moment. And then he opened his eyes.

“Oh god I- what did I do?” He let go of Jared quickly. “Why are you crying? I’m sorry.”

“No it’s not-” Jared turned away and wiped his eyes. “Shut up. It’s not you.”

“Oh.” Evan sat on the bed beside him. “Then what’s wrong?”

“I’m not… out.” Jared said quietly. “To anyone. I mean I’m not even really out to myself.”

“Oh.” Evan tilted his head. “Well this doesn’t mean… I mean you don’t have to come out if- you know, if you’re not ready.”

“Gee thanks.” Jared snorted, rolling his eyes. “That’s not why I’m upset.”

“Okay well can you just tell me then? Because you’re really confusing sometimes.”

Jared eyed him for a second and then smiled. “Sorry about that.”

“Whatever.” Evan nudged him. “Tell me.”

Jared sighed and wiped his eyes again. “It’s just… I don’t know. I knew I was… gay. I guess. But no one else knew. And now it’s…” He waved his hand. “Real. Like I can’t just ignore it or pretend it’ll go away.”

“Oh.” Evan thought about that. “That makes sense I guess.” He paused. “I… don’t know how to help.”

“I’m not asking for help.” Jared shrugged.

“Oh.” Evan said again. “I don’t know what to do now.”

“Me neither.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“We could watch a movie.” Evan suggested. He knew that wasn’t what either of them meant about not knowing what to do. But it was something.

Jared nodded. “Sure.”

“Oh and Jared?”

“Hmm?”

Evan paused nervously before clearing his throat and saying, “We don’t have to watch a horror movie. You can still put your arm around me.”

Jared narrowed his eyes. “Get out.”

Evan smiled uncertainly. “Joke?”

Jared stared at him for another second before leaning over and kissing him quickly. “Yeah. Joke.” He reached for the remote. “By the way,” He glanced over. “Why did you come over here in pajamas?”

“Oh.” Evan flushed. “I just- I didn’t sleep much last night because I was thinking about uh… you… and- and stuff. So I came over here like right after I woke up.”

Jared looked at him with an expression Evan couldn’t read.

“What?”

“That’s pretty lame Evan.” He said finally. Then he put his arm around Evan and pressed play on a movie from his Netflix list.

Evan relaxed and settled into Jared’s side. He didn’t pay much attention to the movie. He was much too busy thinking about how nice it was to have Jared show him affection when he wasn’t crying from a panic attack or being terrified by a movie monster. How nice it was just to sit there, Jared’s arm around him, head on Jared’s shoulder, feeling calm and warm and happy. He didn’t know what they would do tomorrow. He didn’t know what this meant for their friendship or for Jared’s coming out decision. But he didn’t particularly care about any of that at the moment. Because at that moment, Evan felt like he had a really good thing.


End file.
